Run that ye may Obtain

As my body has been healing from hip surgery I’m realizing just how closely our mental health is tied to our physical health.  Right after surgery I had a lot of hope and optimism about life and was looking forward to recovering and getting back to full strength again.  But as the days wore on and I endured the disability and weakness induced by surgery, I started to feel discouraged and depressed.  I often reviewed the chain of events that led to me needing hip labral repair (over-training, muscle weakness and imbalance, lack of patience or intuition in my training to name a few).  I became angry with myself for inducing the injury.  I realized that I made the mistake of following a training plan perfectly but not listening to my body enough to intercept the injury before it got severe.  Then I started to feel scared to get back into running again and wondered if I could regain the drive push my body close to its limit again or if I’d rather just take it easy and avoid pushing my body for fear of injuring myself again.  I hated to think of the future troughs in the roller coaster of life that are sure to exist as I keep striving to climb up the hills.  I felt depressed and overwhelmed by my physical imperfections and uncertain that my body is durable enough to be a professional marathon runner.  Just as my hip and leg was weak and injured, my mental outlook was skewed and dysfunctional as well. Then I realized something.  Not only do I need to be patient and persistent in my efforts to heal my hip but I also need to address what my mind is going through and recognize that I have some mental healing to do as well.  I need to be patient with my mind and allow myself to acknowledge those fears and doubts so I can identify their source and learn from them.  I kept hoping that at any moment I would snap out of the mental funk I’ve been in but its not so much of a “snap” as it is a slow, persistent process of buffing out the scars and false beliefs in my mind.  Just as I have to do physical therapy every day on my hip to regain the muscle and normal range of motion and strength, I also need to exercise my mind in positive thinking and affirmations to regain normal function and mental power.
Our minds are just as susceptible to injury as our bodies but too often these mental injuries are overlooked or suppressed.  Over the past couple of months since surgery many of my friends and acquaintances ask me how my hip is doing and they often assume that I am doing great since I am no longer in crutches or limping noticeably.  I usually just report on the positive improvements in my hip but lately have decided to also take note of the healing that is going on in my mind too.  I am regaining my optimism and hope.  I am affirming my faith and mental power.  I can now acknowledge that the lesson’s I’ve learned about training, rest and recovery, and listening to my body may actually be the tools I need to not only get back to where I was with my fitness and racing, but surpass my previous marks.  I realize that I still have a long road before me but I am committed to patience in the journey and faith in the destination.   I’m gradually extinguising my pessimism and replacing it with optimism.  As I am healing physically I am now able to run 30 minutes a day plus cross-training, and I can now see light at the end of the tunnel and future racing ahead!
I believe that in every difficulty or failure there is a seed for an equal and opposite success.  I hope I can learn everything God intends me to learn from this challenge and turn it into fuel for future growth and progress. I choose to be an optimist.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”  -Winston Churchill
“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”  ~Scott Hamilton

Phew!  I am finally starting to get really excited about Boston again after a couple of weeks of cross training and therapy.  My left leg and foot is feeling much better and my confidence is back.  People keep telling me their personal stories of cross training before big races and still running great.  Coach D. pointed out that Joan Benoit Samuelson had arthroscopic knee surgery 17 days before the 1984 Olympic Trials and cross trained pretty much her entire last three weeks.  She won the trials AND the Olympic Games a few months later.  I have been keeping my body sharp and fit while trying to stay mentally tough even without a lot of running.  I’ve also been trying to evaluate what may have been the cause of my sudden flare up of problems.  I think the main cause is simply training harder than I ever have while having a break-through season (doesn’t come without its set-backs.)  I also think my new orthotics and changing them three different times this season may have confused my legs and feet a bit too much.  In the coming weeks you can be sure I will be doing everything possible to strengthen my feet and step off the plantar faciitis pain train.  But for the next week I’m just going to keep focusing on rest, recovery and positive thoughts going into Boston

My week in review:

Monday A.M. 40 min. pool run, therapy with Dr. Tim. P.M. 30 min. swim

Tuesday A.M. 70 min. elliptical w/8×3 min. hard pushes, massage with Erin P.M. Weights/core plus 30 min. pool run

Wednesday 60 min. pool run, 2 hour nap

Thursday A.M. 45 min. pool run, massage and kinesio tape with Rob. P.M. 4 mile easy run on Kitt Field; felt pretty good!

Friday 80 min. pool run with intervals at Rally Sport with Katie F., Sarah, Bean, and Cheri.  It was nice to have friends to chat with.  I tried to do a lot of the run without a float belt and by the time I finished, my shoulders were PUMPED.  ART with Richey afterwards.  Sarah says I’m a “therapy whore.”  I say I’m just trying to hit this injury from all angles.  After all, each therapist I saw this week offered a slightly different approach. I figure something’s gotta give.

Saturday 6 mile run with Aaron, 6 strides mixed in plus 40 min. pool run right after.  Bumped into Joanna, Kathy, Colleen, and Coach at FAC.  My spirits were lifted by their optimism, encouragement, and smiling faces.  P.M. Cleaned out the garage and it is now miraculously pleasant to walk through!  Took the kids to see Hop. Cute!

Sunday Day of Rest.  Took a 2 hour nap after Church.

7 miles in 8:20 pace

Healing slowly, but surely.  Hamstring felt better after a day of rest yesterday but now after my run this morning its a little tight again.  I’ve iced it a few times today.  I’ll cross train tomorrow and try running again on Wednesday.  I also have an appointment with Richey, the Chiropractor on my team tonight to get some work done on it.

The good news is that my sickness that kept persisting all last week (pink eye, congestion, fatigue, headache, ect.) has finally passed!

7 miles 8:49 pace

Another slow, easy run.  But a RUN, nonetheless!   It just feels right to take it easy as my injury is still healing.  If I push the pace, it causes me to alter my form and I don’t want that to cause an injury somewhere else.  Nice and sunny here again today.  Gotta love mid-50s in January!

0 miles

Got a deep tissue massage last night and, woah.  I felt it this morning.  My back was so sore and achey ’cause she elbowed it SO hard.  She also went more cautiosly into my gluts, hammys, and IT band especially focusing on my right leg where the trouble is.  I didn’t work out today because I just wanted to give my body another day to recover from the massage, the injury, and the illness that has been plaguing me for 5 days now (pink eye, body ache, congestion, headache, ect).   I’m ready for my body to start winning these battles anytime now.

Despite feeling pretty beat, I did get a lot done around the house today.  Swept and mopped the entire garage (it was extremely gross from all the mud our cars had tracked in over the past few months).  Washed and folded 6 loads of laundry.  Cleaned the bathrooms.  Vacuumed the house.  Plus the usual feeding of kids 3 times, cleaning the kitchen after every meal, and a 2 hour grocery shopping adventure.

4 miles equivalent

Tried running for .25 miles on the treadmill and this injury is still crippling me!  There is no point in running like a crazy limping person, so I just stopped and did the elliptical for 40 minutes, which still aggravated the injury slightly.

I’ve officially decided to not race this weekend.  Even if my injury does start feeling better later this week its very unlikely that I will be 100% ready to go all out for 13.1 miles by Sunday.  What is more likely to happen if I race is that I’ll re-injure myself and extend my recovery time further.  I’d rather recover as quickly as possible and get back to my regular training so I can be ready for Boston in April.

0 miles

Went to bed early last night after pounding the vitamins hoping for a speedy recovery from illness.  Feeling more energized and healthy today but my bum/hamstring strain is actually worse than it was yesterday.  Weird?  I didn’t exercise at all yesterday but did have Aaron rub out my legs a little.  Today I have a limp even while walking.  Even so, I did put on my running clothes and attempt running down the street but the limp was obnoxiously hindering so I walked back.  Called Coach D to chat and ask advice and he said to rest it and maybe go see Richey on the team (he’s a Chiropractor).   Still waiting to hear back from Richey.  This injury is REALLY frustrating timing with the Houston Half next weekend.  I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time.  If I can’t run without pain next week I will have to pull out of the race.  Its a depressing thought because I’ve really been looking forward to going to Houston to run with elite women and my training has been going well up until last week when I had the knee issue.  I think I could still PR if my bum would cooperate but I am not certain that will happen.  I’m trying to keep a positive attitude either way.  I keep thinking about what caused this injury and I think it is probably mostly related to running on cruddy, slippery snow and ice over the past month.  Winter running can be pretty precarious.

Aaron had another one of his fix n’ flip homes robbed yesterday so he took the kids on a drive to go check out the damage.  Luckily only the appliances were stolen and no vandalism occurred so its just $1,500 to replace the appliances.  Not fun, but could have been worse. While they were gone I took Aaron’s car in to get an oil change and walked over to my gym to lift weights and do core while I waited.  Afterwards I washed his car and went to Vitamin Cottage for a few things.  Aaron is out on a long run right now and I’m jealous.

0 miles

Crashed into my bed last night after a loooooong day with my 18-month-old crying and being clingy because she’s sick.  Woke up this morning feeling sick myself.  And my bum/hamstring muscle still painfully tight.  No running today, just another long day with sick 18-month-old and other two kids to take care of while not feeling well.  Ugh.

10.5 miles in 7:54 pace

Got out for a 10.5 mile run in the 25 degree windy cold.  Didn’t dress warm enough because I stopped feeling my hands, face, and forearms at some point.  It was nice to get out for some fresh air though.

I was going to go for 12 miles but at mile 10 my left knee suddenly had a spasm.  It was strange.  I didn’t twist my ankle or step on any big awkward object or anything, but my knee just told me it was done for the day.  I did not feel any tightness in this knee the entire run until suddenly at mile 10 when it literally stopped working.  My direct route home was still a little over a mile and I was really cold so I walk/jogged the rest of the way home.  It didn’t hurt when I walked and jogged very very slow but if I tried to pick up the pace at all it twinged severely again.  NOT GOOD.  Has anyone else had this experience?

I may have pushed too hard with the thera cane two days ago and damaged some tendons near my knee?  I had been feeling a small bit of tightness in that knee since Monday but I thought it was just because my quad was tight and the tightness was nothing compared to the severity that I felt today at mile 10.  My other theory is that my legs were just not liking running on the uneven cruddy ice that was out there today.  I ran on the clear road for as much as I could but there was still plenty of slipping and crumbly chunks of ice to get through.  Maybe I’ll take tomorrow off and ice my knee on our drive.  We have a long day of traveling and need to be in Utah by 4:00 p.m. for a party anyway.  That will give me some extra time to heal over the weekend.  Please let it be better by Monday!