Run that ye may Obtain

Having made the decision way back in October not to risk injury by pushing my post-op hip into training for and running the Olympic Trials Marathon in January, the new idea on my mind was to try for another baby.  Over the past year I’ve been having this feeling that our family isn’t quite complete, like there is another soul out there waiting to come in.  Well, apparently he or she was READY and it was meant to be because it didn’t take long for the thought of, “yeah, lets try for another one” to transpire into “woah, I’m pregnant!”  And “Woah” it was.  This being my fourth time around, you’d think I’d handle it like a pro and it would be no big hiccup, but this time has been different.  I had morning sickness with my first child, puking a few times a week throughout pregnancy and feeling pretty sick all the time.  Pretty common experience for pregnancy, annoying but manageable.  The second and third children came along much easier with only mild sickness and a few puke sessions.  This pregnancy has been a whole different story.  Even before I took a pregnancy test I was turning up my nose at certain foods and gagging at the smell of Aaron’s post-run body odor.  Aaron claimed I didn’t even need to take the test because he could tell by my heightened senses that I was preggers.  And it only got more intense from there.  A week later I was having all sorts of food aversions and puking 1-3 times a day.  Over the next week  I couldn’t drink water, only lemonade, soda, and vitamin water and I was tossing it back up 3-5 times a day.

I normally like to take a conservative, holistic approach to managing illness, so I was all about the peppermint oil, ginger tea, lemon drops, small frequent meals, acupressure wrist bands ect.  My midwife recently moved to the Copper Canyons in Mexico to train indigenous midwives among the Tarahumara (the same group of native indians in the book “Born to Run”), so I emailed her to ask for a referral of another midwife in the Boulder area.  She gave me the name of Jeni Schraishuhn and I went to visit Jeni to interview her and get some more ideas on how to manage the sickness.  She told me some more natural remedies and I tried most of them but nothing helped.  Over Christmas weekend things got even worse to where I was pretty much laying in bed all day (Aaron has been “Super Dad” lately)!  I hadn’t held down anything for longer than two hours and was shivering while feeling dehydrated and very weak.  I had lost a couple of pounds in the past week and was feeling SO hungry but couldn’t seem to get more than a few bites in at a time.  Tuesday morning I called my regular O.B. in tears.  She got me right in that afternoon and did a quick ultrasound to make sure it wasn’t a molar pregnancy or twins (which it wasn’t).  Just seeing the little fetus with blood pumping right through his/her heart made me smile and feel comforted about this frustrating sickness.  My O.B. said I had  Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness and she prescribed some meds right away.  Its now Thursday and I am starting to feel a bit better.  I puked only three times yesterday and held down a lot more liquid.  I’ve slept better and no longer have the chills.  I am hoping things continue to improve and I can start to get my energy back.  I still feel pretty sick but its definitely an improvement from where I was on Sunday.

We announced our pregnancy to the kids on Christmas morning and Abe said, “Oh I just thought you were sick!  I didn’t know you were in labor or something?”  Haha, it was a good opportunity to teach them about pregnancy and labor.  Breanne and Ali were super excited and curious and ever since Sunday have been putting their hand on my bellie saying, “Baby” in the sweetest most tender way.  We invited them to join us for the 20 week ultrasound in March which also happens to be Breanne’s 6th birthday!  Right now I’m just about 9 weeks along and hoping that the morning sickness subsides a bit in a few weeks.  The baby is due August 3rd, but based on the fact that all three of my kids have  been 9-16 days early, we may get another July baby (Abe and Ali are July 15th and July 11th).

As I face the challenge of enduring the morning sickness and staying positive, I realize its all preparation and training for the additional challenges ahead, not just in pregnancy and birthing but also in raising another child throughout his or her life!  When we face difficult things in life it helps to remember that God is mindful of us and is standing by.  He will not give us more than we can bear and will not leave us comfortless.

As my body has been healing from hip surgery I’m realizing just how closely our mental health is tied to our physical health.  Right after surgery I had a lot of hope and optimism about life and was looking forward to recovering and getting back to full strength again.  But as the days wore on and I endured the disability and weakness induced by surgery, I started to feel discouraged and depressed.  I often reviewed the chain of events that led to me needing hip labral repair (over-training, muscle weakness and imbalance, lack of patience or intuition in my training to name a few).  I became angry with myself for inducing the injury.  I realized that I made the mistake of following a training plan perfectly but not listening to my body enough to intercept the injury before it got severe.  Then I started to feel scared to get back into running again and wondered if I could regain the drive push my body close to its limit again or if I’d rather just take it easy and avoid pushing my body for fear of injuring myself again.  I hated to think of the future troughs in the roller coaster of life that are sure to exist as I keep striving to climb up the hills.  I felt depressed and overwhelmed by my physical imperfections and uncertain that my body is durable enough to be a professional marathon runner.  Just as my hip and leg was weak and injured, my mental outlook was skewed and dysfunctional as well. Then I realized something.  Not only do I need to be patient and persistent in my efforts to heal my hip but I also need to address what my mind is going through and recognize that I have some mental healing to do as well.  I need to be patient with my mind and allow myself to acknowledge those fears and doubts so I can identify their source and learn from them.  I kept hoping that at any moment I would snap out of the mental funk I’ve been in but its not so much of a “snap” as it is a slow, persistent process of buffing out the scars and false beliefs in my mind.  Just as I have to do physical therapy every day on my hip to regain the muscle and normal range of motion and strength, I also need to exercise my mind in positive thinking and affirmations to regain normal function and mental power.
Our minds are just as susceptible to injury as our bodies but too often these mental injuries are overlooked or suppressed.  Over the past couple of months since surgery many of my friends and acquaintances ask me how my hip is doing and they often assume that I am doing great since I am no longer in crutches or limping noticeably.  I usually just report on the positive improvements in my hip but lately have decided to also take note of the healing that is going on in my mind too.  I am regaining my optimism and hope.  I am affirming my faith and mental power.  I can now acknowledge that the lesson’s I’ve learned about training, rest and recovery, and listening to my body may actually be the tools I need to not only get back to where I was with my fitness and racing, but surpass my previous marks.  I realize that I still have a long road before me but I am committed to patience in the journey and faith in the destination.   I’m gradually extinguising my pessimism and replacing it with optimism.  As I am healing physically I am now able to run 30 minutes a day plus cross-training, and I can now see light at the end of the tunnel and future racing ahead!
I believe that in every difficulty or failure there is a seed for an equal and opposite success.  I hope I can learn everything God intends me to learn from this challenge and turn it into fuel for future growth and progress. I choose to be an optimist.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”  -Winston Churchill
“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”  ~Scott Hamilton

On Sunday afternoon I spoke to my Grandma Morgan for the last time.  Mom held the phone to her ear as I told her how much I love her and what a positive influence she has been on my life.  I told her to give Grandpa Morgan a big hug for me when she got to the other side.  Thirty minutes later, Grandma passed away.  She was 88 years old.  My Grandpa Morgan preceded Grandma in death by nearly 30 years. I can’t even begin to count the hundreds of times throughout the years Grandma has expressed her loneliness and desire to see Bob again.  When my brother, David called to tell me Grandma had passed away my eyes swelled with tears as I imagined the joyous reunion between Grandma and Grandpa taking place at that very moment.

I was eleven months old when my Grandfather died and Grandma said I was always so cuddly and willing to hug her as long as she needed while she was mourning his loss.  She became a widow so young, still in her 50s.  All those hugs to Grandma when I was an infant must have bonded me to her because I have always felt a closeness to her.  Grandma was a big part of our lives growing up.  She lived close to us and watched us when Mom was in the hospital, requiring that we all work hard to clean the house before Mom got home.  She also took us out for ice cream on special occasions, helped us can peaches, pears, jam, and applesauce in the Fall, took us on fun outings, supported us in school choir concerts or sporting events, and began feeling like an immediate member of our family.  Grandma more often than not joined in on Sunday dinner gatherings, campfire dinners in Mueller Park canyon, water skiing at Pineview Reservoir,  camping in Yellowstone, and of course visiting Brigham City for “Peach Days” and stopping by to visit Grandpa Morgan’s grave afterwards.  Even after I went to BYU, Grandma came with my parents to the NCAA Championships in Furman, SC to cheer our team on to first place.

NCAA Cross Country Championships, 2001.

Dave, Grandma and I going on the Heber Creeper train through Provo Canyon in, I’m guessing 1992.

Dave returning from his mission 2005.

Holding three-day-old Abe, 2004.

Dad’s Funeral 2007.
Ali’s Blessing, 2008.

Gramdma not only supported us by being there, she was a wise counselor, a friend and listening ear, and someone to laugh with.  She taught us by example how to work hard, save our money, serve selflessly, listen compassionately, follow through with our commitments, laugh, and enjoy life.  She always used to tell me a phrase that she and Grandpa Morgan wholeheartedly believe, “It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down, its how many times you get up and try again that count.”  She exhibited perseverance and faith in everything she did.  She was generous and enjoyed treating people to nice things and fun memories.  I often remember she and Mom bickering about who was to pay the bill for dinner at a restaurant for special occasions and Grandma always won.  Grandma was a joy to have around.  I never once remember being bothered by her or having disagreements with her.  She was easy to love and fun to spend time with.  Without stepping on toes and only when appropriate, she humbly offered sound advice and faith-filled experiences. She and my Dad had a great relationship and Dad said he lucked out to get the best mother-in-law there was.  I suspect she and Dad have had the chance to reunite since Sunday as well.

Grandma lived a full and wonderful life and as much as I know I will miss her, I am grateful that she is relieved from her pain and infirmities and has passed on to the next phase.  I am grateful for her influence in my life and I will do everything I can to tell my children about her and teach them the lessons she taught me.  When Aaron and I went to visit Grandma in July she told us what a blessing my Mom has been to her.  Mom has been Grandma’s greatest help and support through the past many years and especially as she required more help the past year.  She was there for Grandma to help her through the last few months of frustrating memory loss, more and more dependence on others, moving into assisted living, selling her car and home, falling and having to recover from falls, requiring a walker and sometimes a wheelchair, and most importantly, needing a friend to be there and support her through life’s challenges and changes as she closed out the final chapter of her life.  After Grandma fell one last time on Saturday night, Mom stayed with her all night to make sure she was comfortable and safe.  Later on Sunday, Mom, Uncle John, Aunt Carma, and my brother Dave were there with Grandma as she took her last breath and they said it was very peaceful and serene as Grandma was received by loving arms back into the presence of those who have passed on before.  I am looking forward to flying to Utah on Friday to celebrate her life with our family and remember together what a wonderful woman she is and how lucky we are to have been touched by her.  God be with you ’till w meet agin, Grandma!  We love you!

Well, I finally got a firm diagnosis on my hip pain….and surgery 24 hours later!  It happened quickly last week and I’m just now getting around to blogging about the experience. Its been a lethargic (for me) and busy (for Aaron) week since surgery last Tuesday.  Aaron has had to take care of everything since I am not much help on crutches but we have been blessed with meals from friends from Church and my Mom just got into town to help too.

The positive thing is that Aaron and the kids got to enjoy a nice vacation in Vail while I was recovering in bed and going to physical therapy twice a day.  Vail is home base for the Steadman clinic and Dr. Marc Philippon, one of the best hip surgeons in the world.  Why did I need the help of a world renown hip surgeon? Over the past year my left hip has been a constant source of tightness and pain.  Most of the time I managed it quite well with ART, massage, and dry-needling along with hip mobility exercises and cross training but it started to worsen and become overbearing throughout my buildup to running Boston.  I probably shouldn’t have run Boston, but I stubbornly stuck to the plan and experienced the most painful race of my life.  Four months later, unable to run without pain, limping, weakness in my hip,  I was starting to lose hope in ever running pain-free again.   I tried, ART, massage, physical therapy, hip mobility exercises, acupuncture, dry-needling, rolfing, rest, cross training, orthotics, barefoot running…you name it, I tried it and it did not improve my pain.  In the meantime, my ART Dr., Richey Hansen suggested in May that I had all the symptoms of a labral tear, so I got an MRI.  The MRI report specifically said “no labral tear” and the two other doctors who had looked at my MRI were not assertive about a labral tear either, although they both did say that the labrum looked damaged or frayed.  One Doctor suggested that I had cysts in my ovaries and that I was possibly experiencing referred pain.  My Obstretritian quickly debunked that theory through ultrasound and I was left searching for answers.  Right after I got the MRI in June, I sent the images to the Steadman Clinic and was calling Dr. Philippon’s assistant 2-3 times a week in an effort to either set an appointment to see him or have him call me to discuss my MRI.  Continued months of therapy, cross-training, slow painful running, and no improvement was getting old.

Finally on Sunday night, July 31st I asked Aaron if he would give me a Priesthood blessing (a prayer by the laying on of hands through the power of the Priesthood).  He and our friend Adam Hunt administered the blessing and as Aaron spoke, he promised that I would find the right people to help me with my hip and that I would be able to heal and run pain free again.  I felt very peaceful and confident after the blessing and knew things would work out.  The next day, Monday August 1st at around 9 p.m., Dr. Philippon of the Steadman Clinic in Vail finally called.  I was a bit alarmed and surprised to finally hear from him.  During our brief conversation he said he was looking at my MRI and I do in fact have a tear in my labrum along with some bony impingement on my femur and my hip which was hitting into my labrum and causing the trauma.  He said he’d like to see me in his office for a visit the next morning and if I fit the criteria through physical examination he would operate the same evening, so I shouldn’t eat past 6 a.m. since I may be getting surgery that day.  I was kind-of freaking out.  I asked him a few questions but my mind was whirling.  When I got off the phone Aaron and I called a few Doctor friends for their opinions and talked out the options.  I was previously scheduled to receive prolotherapy and possibly PRP on my hip with Dr. Ron Hanson at the Ceneno-Shultz clinic in Broomfield and was hopeful that he could help regenrate my labrum or at least the tendons in and around the hip.  I also had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Leslie Vidal to get her opinion about the MRI and symptoms.  After a lot of talking and more prayer, there was nothing left to do but go to Vail and see what Dr. Philippon had to say to hopefully make a more educated and confident decision.  Luckily we had a friend staying in our basement and she was able to watch the kids all day so Aaron and I could go to Vail for the appointment.

As we arrived at Dr. Philippon’s office it was like walking down a hall of fame with all the professional athlete jerseys and “Thank you’s” hanging on the wall.  Dr. Philippon has repaired the hip labrum of over 1,000 professional athletes and has a 93% success rate with all clients returning back to their previous strength or better.  In our appointment he and his assistants evaluated my hip and did testing, looked at my MRI and X-rays to show me where the tear and bony impingement was, and Dr. Philippon told me I was a great candidate for surgery and he was very confident he could fix the labrum and remove the bony impingement that was the root of the problem.  He was very confident I would be able to get back to full running strength, possibly even still in time for the Olympic Trials in January.  I was pretty stoked to finally hear a Doctor speak so confidently to me and assure me that he knew what the problem was and he could help me.  As he left Aaron and I alone to talk about it, we both felt that all of our concerns were addressed and that surgery was the best option.

I sent Aaron home and told him he might as well get some work done and get back to the kids so that he could come pick me up the following morning after surgery.  My day was filled with paperwork, more paperwork, more hip and muscle testing, explanation of the operation procedure repeated by three different people, blood work, explanation of the recovery, making a bunch of phone calls to cancel all my appointments and plans for the next two weeks, and finally dressing in a hospital gown, marking the left hip, IV placement, PRP blood draw, and waiting. Dr. Philippon had been in surgery with four other clients all day and I was the last one of the day.  I kept wondering when he’d ever get to me as it approached 7…8 p.m.  It was a long day since I hadn’t been allowed to eat since 6 a.m. and I had to stop drinking at 2 p.m.  I was starting to get nervous but trying to stay positive and also feeling grateful that I was settled on a solution and also that I had only been stewing about surgery for one day as opposed to dreading it for months.  Finally the anesthesiologist came into my room at 8:45 p.m. and gave me something to make me feel relaxed.  He was administering the epidural and I was so calm I commented to him how I had never had an epidural before and was surprised at how easy it was.  Soon enough…I was out.

The next thing I remember it was 12:30 a.m. and my stomach hurt.  I was back in my recovery room and could’t really feel my legs.  Dr. Philippon and his assistant came in to tell me the surgery had gone really well and that the repair would help me.  As the epidural wore off, the stomach pain eased off and I slept in short segments throughout the night.  I finally ate the most delicious orange jello of my life around 3 a.m. and slept some more.  All the nurses in the surgery center were very kind and helpful.  A few more hours of falling asleep and waking up as the drugs wore off, I could feel my legs again and ate some oatmeal.  Aaron and the kids arrived just before 9 a.m. and they took me downstairs to physical therapy where I got right to work with the therapist moving my leg around and having me ride the stationary bike for 20 minutes to get the blood moving again.  The rest of the week consisted of twice a day 90 minute physical therapy appointments, sleeping, driving back and forth from the hotel to PT, and watching (sleeping through) movies with the kids.  Aaron took the kids swimming every day and to the park and on bike rides.

Now that I am through the first week post-op my energy is coming back and I feel stronger more optimism about the future of recovery and healing.  I will be on crutches for a total of 18 days and should be able to run within 7-12 weeks.  I am SO grateful to have finally found a solution with a timeline to recovery!  Dr. Philippon did an injection of PRP (platelet-rich plasma) at the end of the surgery and is doing another injection at my 6 week post-op appointment, which will help boost the healing process.  I am busy with physical therapy three times a week and getting the kids ready to go back to school on Monday, luckily Mom is here to help me with everything.  Aaron has been an amazingly supportive, multitasking superhero and our kids have been very patient and helpful too. While I am sad I have had (and will have) to miss out on 6+ months of healthy running and racing, I am looking forward to future running and mostly just grateful to hopefully have my health restored.  Here I am at the end of a physical therapy appointment with my ice pack on….HEAL HIP…HEAL!!

The kids must have had a more riotous party than us on their vacation to Utah because it took them a good four days longer to recover from all the fun!  Finally after a really chill weekend, we are all feeling back on track. Special thanks to our family in Utah who helped with the kids; Mom and Owen, Dawn and Ken, Christina and Dave, and Jenni and Mike.  We REALLY appreciate you taking such great care of the kids and it was especially nice to know they were having a blast with cousins and making great memories.  We packed a lot of sights into our 10 days in France, staying in a new city every night until the final three nights in Paris. Rather than bore you with a long travel-log, I’ll just give the highlights in pictures…

First night in Nyon, Switzerland after a 26 hour day of travel.  The jet lag was quite painful and my legs felt five pounds heavier from retained water, so my run was slow and short.  We stayed with Raeburn’s friends Giselle and Pierre and were treated to kind hospitality and yummy meals!Our run along Lake Geneva.

Ready to ride on Monday morning after renting our bikes in Bourg d’Oissans

After summiting L’alpe d’heuz.

One of my favorite things about France: amazing pastries!!!
Dinner in l’Isle-sur-la-Sourge.

Soaking my legs in the river.

View from our hotel Room in l’Isle-sur-la-Sourge

Lower Mont Ventoux

Matt and Ash 3k from the top of Mont Ventoux

That deliciously expensive candy at the top of Mont Ventoux fueled me the remaining 50K (making it a total of 85K for the day) of scavenger hunt riding to our eventual destination.  Matt described it as “a sordid tale that includes ‘the roads less traveled’, an internet cafe, dad’s loss of faith in the GPS system, and a strawberry round-about.”  My favorite part was watching Aaron and Matt attempt to speak to the locals in Carpentras automatically reverting to their only non-English language, Spanish and not having much luck with that either.  Its a good thing French people understand hand gestures and body language quite well or we’d still be lost in Southern France.Roman aqueduct, Pont du Gard built around the time of Christ.  Cold river below where we bathed after our long day of riding (notice the nice biking shorts tan line).

Ancient fortified city of Carcasonne.  People still live there today and there is a Best Western inside the city too in case you wanted affordable lodging with the protection of two stone walls  and a moat surrounding you.
Main castle in CarcasonneRiding toward L’TormaletOn a beautiful, misty dayMet some cool Spanish motorcyclists and last year’s 5th place Tour de France finisher, Jurgen Van Den Broeck at the summit.

Cute little castle we stayed in.Peaceful pond in the back yard.

The whole crew in front of Château de Chambord built to serve as a hunting lodge for King François I.  A mere 440 rooms, 365 fireplaces, 84 staircases and more than 800 sculpted columns.  Apparently French kings were insistent upon having modest vacation homes.

Hmmmm…where shall we go running today?  Oh, how ’bout the gardens of Versailles?!  Nine miles and we barely scratched the surface.

Aaron running through the corner of Versailles, Hameau de la reine, or “The Queen’s Hamlet” where Marie Antionette went to  pretend to be a peasant…just for fun.Onto our final destination….Paris!Fresh market down the street from our Hotel in Paris.  YUM!
Of course you cant go to Paris without seeing the Mona Lisa.
After our Sunday lunch in Jardin du Luxembourg with (of course) a statue of a naked child in the background.  There must be at least one million naked statues in Paris.Fresh spices for sale in the street market smelled wonderful!

And there you have it; our trip to France in pictures.  It  turned out to be everything I expected, and more!  Thanks, Dad for planning and arranging everything for our exhaustingly fun adventure!!  It was great to spend time with family and learn about the French history while experiencing the beauty.  Good times!

Ever since I moved to Boulder six months ago I’ve enjoyed the pleasure of associating with a lot of like-minded people. Athletes, home-birthers, healthy eaters, recyclers, outdoor enthusiasts, foodies, holistic healers, and other unique people with a lot of character. As I spend time with these people and grow to love and appreciate them for who they are its interesting to me how so many of them know each other. Even in a city of 100,000+ people, word (good and bad) gets around pretty fast.
In the majority of conversations I find myself in there are a lot of complimentary things shared about people I know. I’m not generally a big fan of negative “gossiping” because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best of them. When I’m in a group of friends and the topic of discussion gravitates towards the negative character traits of another mutual acquaintance I try to either change the subject or say something nice or at least neutral about that person. I admit, I’m not always perfect at this and sometimes I catch myself listening intently and actually absorbing what I’m hearing.
A few days ago I found myself listening to someone’s opinion of the “crazy” character traits of a friend of mine and I seriously almost laughed out loud at the words I was hearing. This particular friend who was being picked apart is a friend whom I admire and aspire to be like in many ways, so to hear the exact traits I admire being shed in a negative light was somewhat ridiculous to me. I mentioned a few complimentary things about this person and then just let the conversation die. After the conversation ended and I went on with my day I started remembering many other recent conversations with friends where more friends and acquaintances were being critiqued and labeled as crazy and I suddenly had an “ah-ha” moment. If so many of my friends whom I love and admire are crazy, I no doubt must be crazy too!
Just as so many of my friends unique and genuine character traits are labeled as crazy by some others, I’m sure my character and individuality has been labeled as crazy by many others too. But to be completely honest with you, I am stoked, honored, and happy to be crazy. Because you know what? My craziness is what makes me, ME. If I lived in a way that I tip-toed around any unusual behavior and allowed what other people thought about me dictate my actions, I would not be living. If no one ever thought I was crazy it would probably mean that I am not developing individuality and exploring what it is that God gave me to become great. From now on every time I hear someone being labeled as crazy or unusual I’m going to listen carefully and take note because there is a very good chance that person is spectacular. To my other crazy friends and readers out there I say lets keep being crazy! Keep embracing and appreciating your own unique character and realize that it doesn’t matter what others may say about you, its vastly important to BE YOUR CRAZY SELF.
Here’s a genuinely crazy moment for you. We all have days like this:

Three pregnancies and births, six moves, 21 days of homeless camping and living out of our car, hundreds of poopy diaper changes, miles and miles of running together and supporting each other in races, thousands of road trip miles, tens of thousands of tears shed, a thousand MORE smiles shared, hundreds of thousands of dollars of business debt and subsequent payoff, hundreds of temper tantrums, millions of hugs, kisses and snuggles with kids, innumerable moments of pure gratitude, 3,285 days of waking up next to each other and I love him even more every day.

Its hard to believe that nine years have passed and we’ve almost spent a third of our lives together.  Back in March, 2002 after spending all of seven weeks getting to know each other, Aaron posed the question, “Do you know where this could go?” I smiled and in a moment of boldness and confidence replied something to the effect of, “Yeah, we could get married.”  Nine weeks later, there we were kneeling across the altar.  While I don’t believe four months from first acquaintance to marriage is right for everyone, I have no regrets and have enjoyed (nearly) every minute of it.  I’m not gonna lie, a great marriage doesn’t come without its struggles and set-backs but as we’ve seen those through, its been pretty darn amazing.

Nine years ago

I knew very soon after I met Aaron that I wanted to spend the rest of my life and eternity with him.  The same attributes that I fell in love with nine years ago are still making me smile today.  Probably the first thing I realized I loved about Aaron when I first met him was his optimism and carefree attitude about life.  He has such hope and faith in the act of living an abundant life.  He knows how to bring joy and positive outlook to any dreary day.  His idealism balances out my realism and lifts me to a higher plane.  He enables and inspires me to dream big and make bold moves.  I love (though sometimes I pretend to be stubbornly unamused by) his endless sarcasm and fun jesting.  He keeps it light and fun and disarms me when I get too serious.

Another favorite aspect of Aaron’s character that I’ve appreciated through the years is his persistence.  I know I’ve tested his patience on many occasions with my doubts or concerns in our endeavors but he has always been gentle and kind in hearing me out and helping me address whatever mental struggle I’m going through.  He is my Yoda.  Not every woman can say they have their own personal life Coach and guidance counselor available any day at any time of day, but I can.  And he’s not just any random counselor, he is a brilliant, God-loving, faith-guided, wise, loving husband who always keeps my best interest at heart and genuinely wants the best for me, our marriage, and our family.  What can I say?  I am one lucky girl.

Homelessness

Not only is Aaron a great husband, he is a fabulous father too.  One day I caught him cuddled up in the hammock in the back yard with all three of our kids heaped upon him.  He was telling them all about his Mom who passed away before they were born and my Dad who passed away a few years ago and how they are looking down upon us and hoping we make good decisions and live good lives.  He was teaching them about eternal families and what a wonderful blessing it is that we get to be together forever.  It warmed my heart and brought a huge smile to my face knowing that our children are being guided by such a gentle, wise, loving man.  Just the other day Abe was telling me about his conversation with Aaron as they were jumping on the trampoline earlier that morning; “Daddy doesn’t really want to work…he’d rather play with us all day.”  How lucky our kids are to have a Father (really a kid at heart) who genuinely wants to be an integral part of their daily lives and make memories with them as he teaches and guides them.

Its been an adventurous, amazing nine years.  I’m SO grateful I get to grow old with you and enjoy many more amazing years together.  Lets keep making it great!  I love you, Aaron!

I learned a new trick today.  If you’re ever running behind for a flight and are afraid waiting in the baggage check or security lines may cause you to miss your flight, I have a simple solution for you.  Just stagger limp scoot your way up to the guys waiting at the curb by the passenger drop off zone and fall into a wheelchair.  They’ll push you past the lines and right up to your gate in record time!  I could have slept in an extra 30 minutes had I known this trick beforehand.  Aaron joked with me as we arrived at our gate 75 minutes before our flight (I dont recall EVER being that early for a flight) that it was all worth it!  I didn’t laugh but was at least able to smile.

As I evaluate the race yesterday and the few weeks going into the race, there are many things I hope to be able to smile about or at least make sense of and learn from over the coming weeks.  That race was by far the most difficult and painful race of my life.  Before today when asked if running a marathon is as challenging as birthing a baby I would always reply “no way, not even close.”  But now I have reconsidered.  Sometimes under certain circumstances, marathon running does rival birthing.  On a day like yesterday, I think I would actually prefer birthing.  After hours of difficult labor at least you get the reward of a sweet little baby to love and nurture for his/her entire life.  The hours of excruciating pain I endured yesterday only  left me with a thrashed leg, a deflated spirit, and well, a ride in a wheelchair.  As I ran the last 16 miles with stabbing pain in my leg I was drawing strength from my birthing experiences.  The only thing that brought comfort was knowing that there were a finite number of miles to go and the pain would eventually end.  Yes, I wanted to quit. Yes, I wondered if I was damaging my body needlessly.  But my own commitment to NEVER give up combined with my pride and stubborn character pushed me onward.

Aaron reminded me that two key ingredients are required to form both diamonds and butterflies.  Time and pressure.  A lot of it.  Well I got a big dose of pressure yesterday. Now I need time to heal and grow.  I thought before the race that my injury three weeks ago was the trial of my faith that would sufficiently humble me and prepare me to dig deep and run well in Boston.  I felt healed and strong going into the race.  My foot was better than it had been in weeks and my hip and quad were pretty loose. I felt great on my pre-race run Saturday night with BYU girlies, Anika and Emily (who also raced) and I felt even better Monday morning in my warm up with Danielle.  Had I known what was in store for the race, I probably wouldn’t have even gotten on the starting line but all of my pre-race self-check and evaluation led me to believe I could run the entire 26.2 miles and run it well.

I talked to Clara Grandt before the race and asked her if she wanted to work together the first half to help each other stick to a 5:45ish pace.  Its tempting in Boston to go out too fast since there is so much downhill in the first half but according to Coach D and everyone else I have ever talked to on the matter, going out a little too fast in Boston almost ALWAYS catches up to you and leaves you with a slower finish time than if you would have saved your legs for the second half and run even splits.   Clara was happy to work together and stick to the plan with me.

The elite women’s start went off right at 9:32 a.m. and about 20 women shot out like cannons with Kim Smith way out front.  That first steep downhill was as easy as falling but Clara and I kept the reigns on and stuck to the plan.  With a slight tailwind and so much downhill in those first 8 miles, 5:39-5:45 pace felt effortless.  I was happy and excited, feeling very confident that I could hold that pace for the entire race.  It almost felt too easy but I was trusting Coach and his advice to stick to the pace while resisting the temptation to run faster.  I hope I didn’t bother Clara with my chatty comments.  I was enjoying her company feeling like we were just on a nice pleasant training run in Boston together.

Its interesting how quickly the tide can turn and amazingly easy can change into excruciating within a matter of minutes.  It wasn’t like I stepped wrong or hit a pothole or anything but over the few miles somewhere between miles 8-11 my left leg started resisting the running motion.  It felt as if a little gremlin crawled out of hiding in my leg, set up camp on my left quad, and began gnawing away at the muscle tissue.  It was bearable at first.  ”I’ll just slow down a little” was my initial thought.  So I did.  And it worsened.  Between these miles I saw a few different women who were also having “one of those days.”  I passed Blake Russell walking back on the sidewalk, an African hobbling on the side of the road, and Catherine Ndereba slowing dramatically but still pushing forward.  After leading the entire race alone, Kim Smith also dropped out later on due to a severe muscle cramp.

By the time I got to mile 16 my own muscle cramping gremlin had invited his entire family over and they were having a campfire with the chopped pieces of muscle fiber they had chewed away.  Every step shot pain up my leg and taxed my body in an unfamiliar way.   I prayed that I could push through and ignore it, but pain-free euphoric running was not what God had in store for me today.  Coming up the hills between mile 16-21 were slow and excruciating.  I thought I could make up some lost time on the downhill but that was almost worse.  I tried to just enjoy the scenery and soak in the Boston experience of the enthusiastic crowds and energy out on the course but it was a challenge with my leg requiring all of my mental focus just to keep moving forward into the next step.

Somewhere around mile 23-24 I was asked by a race official to stay to the left as the men were about to pass.  About 8-10 cars and motorcycles passed me on the right as I moaned in pain.  When the men flew by at world record pace I felt as if I were standing still.  They looked so smooth and effortless like cheetas running through the African plains.  I longed for that feeling and felt uplifted and inspired by their amazing bodies and animal-like prance.  A few minutes later another African runner flew by with Ryan Hall shortly behind.  I had just finished reading Ryan’s book, Running With Joy on my plane ride to Boston and it was awesome to see Ryan running so strong near the front, running an unofficial American Record.

With only one mile to go the crowds were amazing.  Every sideline was 2-5 people deep with screaming and cheering marathon fans.  I wished I could have run faster and looked more happy to be there but my face was clenched in pain as my body limped to the finish.  I was passed by a woman who must have been going through similar excruciating pain only in her stomach and bowels which had disagreed with her profusely and left their mark all down her legs.  I felt sorry for her and was impressed with her finishing kick despite the obvious discomfort she must have been in.

The left turn onto Boylston Street could’t have come soon enough.  I let the crowds carry me home in a pace that was over a minute per mile slower and a hundred times more difficult than those first easy 8 miles.  I shed tears of relief as the finish line neared.  Moments after passing over the Boston Marathon Finish line paint stenciled on the road as I slowed to walk, my legs completely seized up and brought me to the ground.  I have never experienced that type of muscle cramping before and the medical people were concerned about my hydration and mental state but I assured them I was fine, my legs were finished.  I had executed my fueling plan perfectly and felt properly hydrated and fueled along the course, having taken 70-80 calories of EFS electrolyte drink in 6oz. flasks every 5K, but the problem was simply a mechanical disruption that was disabling the use of my left leg.  The problem was Mr. Gremlin and his family.

Two kind gentlemen held my arms and walked me to the athlete recovery area.  I had a nice cry, lots of liquid, and a gentle massage.  I saw Clara in the recovery area and my tears of disappointment and pain turned to tears of joy and excitement for Clara.  She stuck to the pace we had initially started out at and ran 2:29:54 in her debut marathon!!!  Amazing!  Clara is a friend I’ve made over the past year of racing in the USA running circuit races.  She is a tenacious racer and has a very sweet demeanor and magnetic and friendly character.

I called Aaron and shed more tears of disappointment as he comforted me.  He was just glad to know I was ok and hadn’t torn my planter fascia or anything drastic.  Aaron, Coach D, and my agent Bobby were waiting for me in the lobby so I made my way out to them and we sat and talked for some time.  We all commiserated together and they comforted me and reminded me that every runner has a disappointing race from time to time, unfortunately its just part of the job.  I know they are right and I know I will move forward from this but I just had to feel sad for a bit.

As I take a step back from those feelings and look at the big picture, I have to be grateful for where I’ve come.  A few years ago I wouldn’t have even dreamed of running 2:38 in Boston, much less on a bum leg.  I’ve been blessed with a podium finish in four national championship races over the past year and countless PRs.  I’ve been able to train at a higher level with more mileage and have been relatively healthy (despite the past few weeks.)  I’ve learned a ton about how to strengthen my hips and core and keep certain niggles at bay.  I’ve deepened relationships with running friends and made countless more friends in the nation-wide running community.  I’ve gained a stronger belief in myself and faith in the possibilities.  My faith in God and gratitude for His goodness is deeper than ever.  The support from my family and friends has cemented in my heart and instilled an urging to continue striving to be my best self.

Although ending my season on a less than ideal race was the last thing I wanted, it has been a great season and the journey all along the way has been epic and life changing.  Boston, I’ll be back.  Next time with a healthy leg and vengeance for redemption boiling deep in my soul.

Aaron played this song for me the night before the race.  It put me in a good mood then and is giving me peace and healing right now.  We truly ARE only getting better.

Joshua Radin, We Are Only Getting Better

Last, but certainly not least….some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

The LDS Church in Cambridge where we went to Church with Emily Mars Raymond and her family.

Walking home from Church with Emily, Anika, and clan.

Ryan Hall setting the American RecordTop three women.  Desi fought a HARD battle and won 2nd place overall, top American.Kara Goucher, 2nd American, 5th place overall femaleClara’s sub 2:30 debut! 3rd American, 16th place overall femaleDo I look like I’m hurting?  I am.

6th American, 21st female overall

Phew!  I am finally starting to get really excited about Boston again after a couple of weeks of cross training and therapy.  My left leg and foot is feeling much better and my confidence is back.  People keep telling me their personal stories of cross training before big races and still running great.  Coach D. pointed out that Joan Benoit Samuelson had arthroscopic knee surgery 17 days before the 1984 Olympic Trials and cross trained pretty much her entire last three weeks.  She won the trials AND the Olympic Games a few months later.  I have been keeping my body sharp and fit while trying to stay mentally tough even without a lot of running.  I’ve also been trying to evaluate what may have been the cause of my sudden flare up of problems.  I think the main cause is simply training harder than I ever have while having a break-through season (doesn’t come without its set-backs.)  I also think my new orthotics and changing them three different times this season may have confused my legs and feet a bit too much.  In the coming weeks you can be sure I will be doing everything possible to strengthen my feet and step off the plantar faciitis pain train.  But for the next week I’m just going to keep focusing on rest, recovery and positive thoughts going into Boston

My week in review:

Monday A.M. 40 min. pool run, therapy with Dr. Tim. P.M. 30 min. swim

Tuesday A.M. 70 min. elliptical w/8×3 min. hard pushes, massage with Erin P.M. Weights/core plus 30 min. pool run

Wednesday 60 min. pool run, 2 hour nap

Thursday A.M. 45 min. pool run, massage and kinesio tape with Rob. P.M. 4 mile easy run on Kitt Field; felt pretty good!

Friday 80 min. pool run with intervals at Rally Sport with Katie F., Sarah, Bean, and Cheri.  It was nice to have friends to chat with.  I tried to do a lot of the run without a float belt and by the time I finished, my shoulders were PUMPED.  ART with Richey afterwards.  Sarah says I’m a “therapy whore.”  I say I’m just trying to hit this injury from all angles.  After all, each therapist I saw this week offered a slightly different approach. I figure something’s gotta give.

Saturday 6 mile run with Aaron, 6 strides mixed in plus 40 min. pool run right after.  Bumped into Joanna, Kathy, Colleen, and Coach at FAC.  My spirits were lifted by their optimism, encouragement, and smiling faces.  P.M. Cleaned out the garage and it is now miraculously pleasant to walk through!  Took the kids to see Hop. Cute!

Sunday Day of Rest.  Took a 2 hour nap after Church.